What Does it Mean to Really Forgive?

Posted by marcus

December 4, 2005

Dear God,

I am having a dilemma.

I can’t seem to get over bitterness, resentment and complete and total dislike for someone in my life that put me and my family through such pain. I mean, I can feel it deep down and it’s been a year already, and it still feels like yesterday. I didn’t really realize all of these feelings were there until recently. I thought I was over it. I thought I was over the belittling, the mean spirited uncaring attitudes that he had for us. We poured our entire lives for almost a year into his life. Being mislead by “serving” him. What was it all for, God?

I don’t mean to single out just one individual, but sometimes it’s easier to blame a whole load of feelings on one person. There were others. Others who hurt me. These individuals told me they loved me and my family. They said they felt that “you brought us together for a purpose.” Why do people say things and then justify them by using Your name?

Help me to forgive these people. Help me to give them grace. Not only because it’s what I want in return, but because it’s how you would treat the situation. I want to love like you do, but right now it’s so hard for me. My true feelings want revenge. My true feelings want them to suffer for what they did. My true feelings want them to feel the pain. Feel the pain so deep down that they come running to me to apologize and kiss my ass. I never got that apology. It’s like they chewed us up and spit us out to fend for ourselves.

I refuse to be “damaged goods.” I refuse to carry all of that extra “baggage.” Because let’s face it. It would be way too heavy.

This is why I need you, God. I need you to show me how you want me to treat these individuals. One of them has recently come back into our lives and I’ve realized that I still have major resentment issues. I don’t want these feelings to affect how I treat others. I expected so much more from this person. Expecting too much from people gives me reason to judge them if they don’t live up to my expectations.

I ask that you heal my heart. I ask that you heal my family. I ask that you show me what real forgiveness is. I thought I forgave him, but I now realize I was fooling myself. I give it to you. I don’t want this hurting my heart any longer. I don’t want it waking me in the middle of the night. I don’t want it a part of my life. It’s been affecting me for way too long.

I am ready to forgive. I am ready to let go of this and move on.

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